I was brought up by my grandparents and Christmas is a big thing for Eurasians. BIG.
Preparation for Christmas starts about 6months in advance. My grandmother would start buying things for the house like artificial flowers, Christmas napkins, Christmas table linen, new curtains, new bedsheets and pillowcases, new clothes for everybody and that includes our panties/bras for the ladies and underwear for the men living in the house and new towels. She starts posting Christmas cards/friends to all her close family and friends in Singapore and Malacca in early November. For those who lived in Malacca, she'd send small little presents. Her present hunting starts as early as 3months in advance. We would then receive Christmas cards from families and friends too and I'd get sooo excited when I see the postman and run to the mailbox to get a card! And I'd scream, Aunty Joan sent us a card or Look, grandma, a present!
She then starts making the Eurasian fruit cake a month earlier and sprinkles brandy each week. She doesn't make the Sugee cake but we buy it from Cona's. Cona used to be near Holy Family Church in Katong but I hear that they operate from home now. Then there is the traditional Bolu Cocoo aka Coconut Sponge cake. She also makes the archar which she bottles them up (i love love them!). Then there is the Christmas pie, the famous Curry Devil and Feng, Saybak, Curry Pineapple Prawns and if that's not enough food for you, we would buy Fish Head Curry from Muthu's!!!! Apart from food, I would put the Christmas tree up and I'd get sooo excited from doing so! They allowed me to do whatever I wanted with the tree and I would get really excited about the presents under it! :(
Well, my grandparents are no longer around and unfortunately, nobody really did learn how to cook as well as my grandmother. I thought about keeping up with some of the traditions I was brought up with. Every year, I'd send out Christmas cards to close family and friends and some new friends whom I think are nice people. However, I think most of my friends do not practise Christmas card exchange. I stopped sending to some friends as some didn't even thank me for sending them a card. When I'd ask them if they had received my card, they'd apologise and say yes, and that they had forgotten about it. I feel that while I am equally busy and that I had taken an effort to send you a card and I do not expect you to send me one, a thank you would be nice. Call me old fashioned but that was how I was brought up by my grandmother. So this year, I received cards from my family members and again like every year none from friends.I also set up the Christmas tree. T and I went Christmas tree ornament hunting. He chose the ornaments and he hung them up. I love a colourful tree and we chose so many different ones this year like a train ornament, a shoe ornament, a kangaroo ornament, a cupcake ornament..and everyday, we'd talk about about ornaments, just like what I used to do with my grandmother. I placed the presents under the tree with T, though he doesn't really understand the concept of gifts yet. :) Food wise, well, I have to say, that's hard to do. The food preparation will kill me. I don't think i can do the food preparation as early as a month earlier than Christmas and then to stay in the kitchen whole day for at least a week or so, just cutting up the ingredients and what's not. Plus, there's just three of yes with one very picky eater. So, we made a Christmas pie for Christmas dinner and a roast on boxing day. And then that's when the homesickness hit me with a bang! I really missed the Christmas spread back home. :(
But this Christmas, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. We are renovating our house a bit. Dealing with traders and landscapers have been a pain. :( I am pregnant again and will be on homestretch in 2 weeks time (I am sooo thankful for making it to the 3rd trimester!), I tell my number son 2 that I am so grateful to have him in my life because if I hadn't lost my baby earlier this year (though I am still saddened by the loss), I wouldn't have had him as we had only wanted 2 kids. I have been very busy for the past few months and needless to say, lack of sleep as T doesn't nap anymore. T sleeps around 9-ish and then I have to clean the house, prepare his homeschooling materials and prepare his food for the next day and by the time I'm done, it's almost 1am. Babes has been off from work since last Monday and I have taken this opportunity to clear the other room to make way for the cot and man, it took me almost 2 weeks to clear everything, well, almost. I am also preparing T's birthday party as his birthday will be very close to bub number 2's delivery date, erm, like 11 days later, so I'm hoping that he will be good and come after T's birthday. I am almost done with washing all bub number 2's clothes. Don't really trust Melbourne's weather. Last summer, we had rain. :( Babes has been waking up every morning at 5.30am to paint the house as it's almost impossible to do anything around with T awake. And most importantly, I am grateful for my husband and my son. They mean the world to me.
So, there you have it. Not sure what I was trying to say in this post but the gist of it, is that I am grateful and feel very blessed this Christmas.
Belated Bong Natal everyone! I hope everyone had a good one!
ps Bong Natal means Merry Christmas in the Kristang language, mainly spoken by Eurasians.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
It's 12.45am and i can't
FREAKING SLEEP!
Have lots of things to do..i feel like i have to do so many things before baby 2 comes. I am also planning T's 3rd birthday party and feel that I better do it now before I hit my 3rd trimester, which will be here very quickly. I have to say that this pregnancy went by really quickly. Anyway, I'm quite excited about his birthday party..I've decided on a Lego theme and it's gone viral..I'm trying not to overspend but it will be his last birthday party before he has to share it with his younger sibling cuz baby 2 will be here 19days later.
ps I'm having another boy..a household filled of testosterone! :)
Have lots of things to do..i feel like i have to do so many things before baby 2 comes. I am also planning T's 3rd birthday party and feel that I better do it now before I hit my 3rd trimester, which will be here very quickly. I have to say that this pregnancy went by really quickly. Anyway, I'm quite excited about his birthday party..I've decided on a Lego theme and it's gone viral..I'm trying not to overspend but it will be his last birthday party before he has to share it with his younger sibling cuz baby 2 will be here 19days later.
ps I'm having another boy..a household filled of testosterone! :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
we're going on a cherry hunt!
we went cherry picking today and what fun fun fun! he ran, picked, tasted fresh massive cherries! and he ran soo much that he napped!!!! how i wish we had a cherry farm just in our backyard so that he'll nap everyday!!! :) and we saw a shed with tractors..oh my, he got so excited! it was nice to get away from the city!
we just love summer!
we just love summer!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
that smile makes mah heart go boom boom boom
I love T with all mah heart. But sometimes the tantrums are E.P.I.C.
Examples of E.P.I.C tantrums moments/days:
1) CHIPS.
T's diet consists of:
- chips
- bananas
- chips
- bread
- cheese (i could milk a cow of cheese if i could! he eats nothing but cheese!)
- chips
- nuggets
- chips
If I give him pasta or fried rice or something that has green in it, he wrinkles his nose, gives me a frown and points to it and say, GREEN. NO GREEN. And I say in an excited tone(tho I sound like a broken record!), It's nice. Yummy. Try it. If he could really say what he means, he'd probably scream, F%#!k THIS SHIT. I JUST WANT CHIPS! But still everyday, i put in greens, hoping he'd eat it someday and love it, like chips.
Before you think that i'm only feeding him chips, i don't. we try everyday to feed him healthy food but somehow, he just refuses to eat. Lately, it's been a battle to feed him during dinners. He refuses to sit at the dining table and I go, ok, if you don't want to eat, you starve. And yes, he happily runs away and goes to his toys. I tried hiding his toys so he won't take refuge to play with them and have dinner with us. BUT he switches on the cd player and presses play and starts dancing to Wiggles.
He is turning three. Getting way too smart.
2) NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
Everything is a NO.
Me: T, eat breakfast?
T: No.
Me: T, change nappy?
T: No.
Me: T, we have to layer your clothes. It's freaking 5degrees outside.
T: NO, NO, NO, NO
It takes me 1.5hours to get ready. From feeding him breakfast to getting him changed, feeding the dog, brushing our teeth. Well, after 1.5hours of getting ready, you'd think we're all geared up to leave. Well, apparently not. He decides that he wants to do a poop or play with his cars or decides that his green shoe doesn't go with his jeans or that the jacket he is wearing doesn't match.
And I am really tired everyday!
Me: T, take a nap. Mummy's very tired today.
T: NO. I'M ANGRY.
Me: Y, SWEETHEART?
T: Because I said NO NAPS!
But when I say:
Me: T, do you want to go KMART?
T: Yes.
(cuz he freaking wants to look at cars and then insists I buy him a $2 toy car.)
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
3) FICKLE-MINDED
He is as fickle as any girl out there. He says No one minute and yes to another.
Me: T, let's have some yummy milk
T: NO.
Me: Really?
T: yes, ok, let's have milk
Me: T, let's go out.
T: NO.
(a short pause. If I could read his mind, he'd probably be thinking: If I go out, there is a chance I'd go to KMART or Bunnings, my two favourite stores!)
T: yes, ok, let's go out.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
4) Public tantrums
I tell you the shopping malls are a breed for tantrums. He now refuses to sit in his stroller and wants to brisk walk (read: run/dash). I am always fearful that he'd bang into someone. So, when I tell him that he either walks next to me or hold mah hand, the whole shopping mall knows that T DOES NOT WANT TO HOLD HANDS. He screams, NO HOLD HANDS! But when we go to KMART, he would hold my hand to the cashier with the new car in his hand.
WTF?! I count till 10 and take a breather.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
5) Pushing his stroller
I hate this! I truly do. Since he refuses to sit in his stroller, he wants to push it. But I tell him that he cant' do that because he would bang into another person. But of course, he hates mah reasoning and wants to do it on his own.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
But he is terribly sweet too. There are days I want to really crash (especially since I am so nap/sleep deprived) but when he is such an angel, I forget just how bad the terrible two days are. He cuddles me and gives me sloppy kisses. He becomes a real boy biatch one minute and the next, he says something silly like, HELLO SMELLY GIRL (I say that to our dog every morning) and there's a smile at the corner of my mouth and the rascal sees it and he starts to laugh. he pats our dog gently and goes close to her and asks for a nose kiss (tho I scream, Brandy has smelly breath! don't go too close!). He has a soft spot for our dog.
Somebody told me that it gets better when they turn four. So, what happens to when they turn three then?
Three is two with intent.
But look at that smile. Enough said.
All's forgiven and still, no matter what, we love him lots.
And oh, he is part Eurasian, part Indian, (just only a quarter Chinese). Indian and Eurasian mix = drama genes.
He's our little drama boy with a heart of gold.
Examples of E.P.I.C tantrums moments/days:
1) CHIPS.
T's diet consists of:
- chips
- bananas
- chips
- bread
- cheese (i could milk a cow of cheese if i could! he eats nothing but cheese!)
- chips
- nuggets
- chips
If I give him pasta or fried rice or something that has green in it, he wrinkles his nose, gives me a frown and points to it and say, GREEN. NO GREEN. And I say in an excited tone(tho I sound like a broken record!), It's nice. Yummy. Try it. If he could really say what he means, he'd probably scream, F%#!k THIS SHIT. I JUST WANT CHIPS! But still everyday, i put in greens, hoping he'd eat it someday and love it, like chips.
Before you think that i'm only feeding him chips, i don't. we try everyday to feed him healthy food but somehow, he just refuses to eat. Lately, it's been a battle to feed him during dinners. He refuses to sit at the dining table and I go, ok, if you don't want to eat, you starve. And yes, he happily runs away and goes to his toys. I tried hiding his toys so he won't take refuge to play with them and have dinner with us. BUT he switches on the cd player and presses play and starts dancing to Wiggles.
He is turning three. Getting way too smart.
2) NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
Everything is a NO.
Me: T, eat breakfast?
T: No.
Me: T, change nappy?
T: No.
Me: T, we have to layer your clothes. It's freaking 5degrees outside.
T: NO, NO, NO, NO
It takes me 1.5hours to get ready. From feeding him breakfast to getting him changed, feeding the dog, brushing our teeth. Well, after 1.5hours of getting ready, you'd think we're all geared up to leave. Well, apparently not. He decides that he wants to do a poop or play with his cars or decides that his green shoe doesn't go with his jeans or that the jacket he is wearing doesn't match.
And I am really tired everyday!
Me: T, take a nap. Mummy's very tired today.
T: NO. I'M ANGRY.
Me: Y, SWEETHEART?
T: Because I said NO NAPS!
But when I say:
Me: T, do you want to go KMART?
T: Yes.
(cuz he freaking wants to look at cars and then insists I buy him a $2 toy car.)
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
3) FICKLE-MINDED
He is as fickle as any girl out there. He says No one minute and yes to another.
Me: T, let's have some yummy milk
T: NO.
Me: Really?
T: yes, ok, let's have milk
Me: T, let's go out.
T: NO.
(a short pause. If I could read his mind, he'd probably be thinking: If I go out, there is a chance I'd go to KMART or Bunnings, my two favourite stores!)
T: yes, ok, let's go out.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
4) Public tantrums
I tell you the shopping malls are a breed for tantrums. He now refuses to sit in his stroller and wants to brisk walk (read: run/dash). I am always fearful that he'd bang into someone. So, when I tell him that he either walks next to me or hold mah hand, the whole shopping mall knows that T DOES NOT WANT TO HOLD HANDS. He screams, NO HOLD HANDS! But when we go to KMART, he would hold my hand to the cashier with the new car in his hand.
WTF?! I count till 10 and take a breather.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
5) Pushing his stroller
I hate this! I truly do. Since he refuses to sit in his stroller, he wants to push it. But I tell him that he cant' do that because he would bang into another person. But of course, he hates mah reasoning and wants to do it on his own.
He is turning three. He is getting way too smart.
But he is terribly sweet too. There are days I want to really crash (especially since I am so nap/sleep deprived) but when he is such an angel, I forget just how bad the terrible two days are. He cuddles me and gives me sloppy kisses. He becomes a real boy biatch one minute and the next, he says something silly like, HELLO SMELLY GIRL (I say that to our dog every morning) and there's a smile at the corner of my mouth and the rascal sees it and he starts to laugh. he pats our dog gently and goes close to her and asks for a nose kiss (tho I scream, Brandy has smelly breath! don't go too close!). He has a soft spot for our dog.
Somebody told me that it gets better when they turn four. So, what happens to when they turn three then?
Three is two with intent.
But look at that smile. Enough said.
All's forgiven and still, no matter what, we love him lots.
And oh, he is part Eurasian, part Indian, (just only a quarter Chinese). Indian and Eurasian mix = drama genes.
He's our little drama boy with a heart of gold.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tomorrow
I will be 20weeks pregnant. I am half-way through and I am very happy(read:relieved) that we have come this far. We had our scan last Saturday and it was just precious. We had a 3D scan and saw a profile of baby's face. Baby was smiling and I went a bit sooky happy. I tell T that he is going to have a baby and he keeps kissing my tummy, like 100 times a day!
On another note, the weather's warming up n we have been going out almost everyday, just simply basking in the sun. I really worship the sun cuz autumn/winter is just so gloomy and wet. I m also a bit excited about this Saturday! I am going for a facial after having no ME-TIme for 3years!!!! I am going to have a facial!!!!'such simple pleasures!!!n have mah armpits waxed, mah Santa Claus moustache waxed n my eye brows trimmed! Sunday we r going to the park for a birthday party. Next weekend we r going cherry picking! And maybe strawberry picking after Xmas!!!!
But I will definitely miss Singapore on Xmas day. I will miss the Eurasian spread at our relatives house -Feng, Curry Devil, shepard's pie n shandy....and strawberry trifle!! N that u can't get from any supermarket! So unless u know a Eurasian family, then u really don't know what u r missing out on Xmas Day cuz everything is home cooked!!!!
Anyway, bring it on, Summer!!!
On another note, the weather's warming up n we have been going out almost everyday, just simply basking in the sun. I really worship the sun cuz autumn/winter is just so gloomy and wet. I m also a bit excited about this Saturday! I am going for a facial after having no ME-TIme for 3years!!!! I am going to have a facial!!!!'such simple pleasures!!!n have mah armpits waxed, mah Santa Claus moustache waxed n my eye brows trimmed! Sunday we r going to the park for a birthday party. Next weekend we r going cherry picking! And maybe strawberry picking after Xmas!!!!
But I will definitely miss Singapore on Xmas day. I will miss the Eurasian spread at our relatives house -Feng, Curry Devil, shepard's pie n shandy....and strawberry trifle!! N that u can't get from any supermarket! So unless u know a Eurasian family, then u really don't know what u r missing out on Xmas Day cuz everything is home cooked!!!!
Anyway, bring it on, Summer!!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
I love my son.
In my early 20s, I didn't think I'd ever be good with kids. I wasn't really thinking about them. It was all about me. I shopped for me, I ate for me, I shopped for me, I worked for me, and I shopped for me. :)
And then I got married and I wanted to have just one kid. That journey to have one was very trying. I always wondered why were these fertiles complaining about being perpetually tired when they were blessed with kids so easily. So, I yearned and dreamt of having just one baby. When I fell pregnant with T, I thought, since I was dreaming of motherhood for so long, I was all prepared for it.
But I was wrong.
Motherhood proved to be harder than I thought. No books, no friend, no relatives can give you the advice to survive it. You are pretty much on your own. Or maybe in our case, we were on our own. We had no help at all from day one when T was born. I didn't have a confinement nanny and I didn't have anybody to help me. I really struggled. I had slight PND and I cried for hours, not knowing what was wrong. I had lots of take-aways from burgers to frozen food to just toast. Friends in Singapore thought I was mad to have a baby in Melbourne. But hey, even if I were to go back, we didn't have help as our mothers passed away when we were young and our dads are pretty much useless.
Apart from no help, I didn't realise motherhood would consist of so many clubs - breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding babies, co-sleeping vs control crying, and gosh, the list goes on. Support within friends was hard. And anyway, to begin with, we hardly had friends here with kids when T was a baby till a year old.
But we survived and now we are now pregnant again.
We are truly blessed. Our hearts are filled with joy and love, and yes, apprehension too. We just can't wait for the baby to be born. I do not have any naps anymore since T has cut down on his naps to which I mourned of my loss of nap time and ME-time. I wake up when T does at 7.30am, and sleep at 8pm when he sleeps. I am really spent by 2pm. But lately, I am feeling a bit sad too cuz my time would have to be divided between T and the baby. T has always had my attention. When he wakes up, he would cuddle me for at least 10minutes before he fully wakes up and in his smelly (i love that breath!) breath, he'd say, NOSE KISS FOR MUMMY. It just melts my heart. Despite his tantrums, he is still such a sweet boy. Whenever he falls down, he would say, MUMMY KISS and I'd give him a kiss and I'd ask him, DO YOU FEEL BETTER?. To which, he'd reply, YES, MUMMY, BETTER. He is always wanting to be near me. We are perpetually joined at the hip. He asks for cuddles throughout the day. I love him so so much. I am eternally grateful that he has chosen us to be his parents.
People disapprove of our parenting methods. I call mine instinctive parenting. Or rather survival parenting. Whatever works of the day/month/year. And truth to be told, I don't give a flying f*!@#? to whatever people say these days. They can think whatever but nobody is perfect and my kid is not perfect and neither is yours.
And also they are only so little this short passage of time.
So, why don't we just embrace our child/children and love them and stop the whole sha bang bang about this political motherhood warfare. Afterall, motherhood is between your child and you.
Nobody else matters.
Post-note: And this is why we should treasure our kids now even more. Read this post here. I promise you, you'll need tissues.
And then I got married and I wanted to have just one kid. That journey to have one was very trying. I always wondered why were these fertiles complaining about being perpetually tired when they were blessed with kids so easily. So, I yearned and dreamt of having just one baby. When I fell pregnant with T, I thought, since I was dreaming of motherhood for so long, I was all prepared for it.
But I was wrong.
Motherhood proved to be harder than I thought. No books, no friend, no relatives can give you the advice to survive it. You are pretty much on your own. Or maybe in our case, we were on our own. We had no help at all from day one when T was born. I didn't have a confinement nanny and I didn't have anybody to help me. I really struggled. I had slight PND and I cried for hours, not knowing what was wrong. I had lots of take-aways from burgers to frozen food to just toast. Friends in Singapore thought I was mad to have a baby in Melbourne. But hey, even if I were to go back, we didn't have help as our mothers passed away when we were young and our dads are pretty much useless.
Apart from no help, I didn't realise motherhood would consist of so many clubs - breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding babies, co-sleeping vs control crying, and gosh, the list goes on. Support within friends was hard. And anyway, to begin with, we hardly had friends here with kids when T was a baby till a year old.
But we survived and now we are now pregnant again.
We are truly blessed. Our hearts are filled with joy and love, and yes, apprehension too. We just can't wait for the baby to be born. I do not have any naps anymore since T has cut down on his naps to which I mourned of my loss of nap time and ME-time. I wake up when T does at 7.30am, and sleep at 8pm when he sleeps. I am really spent by 2pm. But lately, I am feeling a bit sad too cuz my time would have to be divided between T and the baby. T has always had my attention. When he wakes up, he would cuddle me for at least 10minutes before he fully wakes up and in his smelly (i love that breath!) breath, he'd say, NOSE KISS FOR MUMMY. It just melts my heart. Despite his tantrums, he is still such a sweet boy. Whenever he falls down, he would say, MUMMY KISS and I'd give him a kiss and I'd ask him, DO YOU FEEL BETTER?. To which, he'd reply, YES, MUMMY, BETTER. He is always wanting to be near me. We are perpetually joined at the hip. He asks for cuddles throughout the day. I love him so so much. I am eternally grateful that he has chosen us to be his parents.
People disapprove of our parenting methods. I call mine instinctive parenting. Or rather survival parenting. Whatever works of the day/month/year. And truth to be told, I don't give a flying f*!@#? to whatever people say these days. They can think whatever but nobody is perfect and my kid is not perfect and neither is yours.
And also they are only so little this short passage of time.
So, why don't we just embrace our child/children and love them and stop the whole sha bang bang about this political motherhood warfare. Afterall, motherhood is between your child and you.
Nobody else matters.
Post-note: And this is why we should treasure our kids now even more. Read this post here. I promise you, you'll need tissues.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
small talk
not sure about you but i hate small talk.
it.is.just.so.exhausting.
it starts with,
Hey, how are you?
and all i really want to say is,
Do you really want to know? Let's see, my son decides that kicking is the best way of communication now. my son's tantrums are epic. thank goodness, he is cute and when he says i love you, i just melt. My hair is in need of a make-over. I need sleep. My whoo-ha hair is a jungle. I need some ME-TIME. I need a cleaner which we can't afford cuz we have a freaking mortgage to pay. I am just being whiney today.
but i say,
Great. Grand. And you?
and then he/she says,
Yeah, good
and then, awkward, uncomfortable silence.
I miss having conversations with friends whom i can really laugh with, share the same jokes. I miss talking Singlish. I miss my Singaporean friends.
it.is.just.so.exhausting.
it starts with,
Hey, how are you?
and all i really want to say is,
Do you really want to know? Let's see, my son decides that kicking is the best way of communication now. my son's tantrums are epic. thank goodness, he is cute and when he says i love you, i just melt. My hair is in need of a make-over. I need sleep. My whoo-ha hair is a jungle. I need some ME-TIME. I need a cleaner which we can't afford cuz we have a freaking mortgage to pay. I am just being whiney today.
but i say,
Great. Grand. And you?
and then he/she says,
Yeah, good
and then, awkward, uncomfortable silence.
I miss having conversations with friends whom i can really laugh with, share the same jokes. I miss talking Singlish. I miss my Singaporean friends.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Spring is here!
Spring is here! Weather has started to get warmer. the days are longer, it gets dark around 6-ish, instead of 5-ish and i just love Spring when everything feels a bit more positive.
Time to do a good wax(been hiding mah hairy legs, arms and armpits - rofl..hey when you're a mum with no help, the last thing on your list is to get a good wax!) cuz we don't need those damned jumpers and singlets and socks and jackets and hats and scarves and gloves and boots to put on. And try putting all these on with a toddler who screams, bellows and shrieks NOOOO!!!! when i try to layer him on with clothes. So much easier in summer with him being topless with a nappy on..though, i'm hoping he'll be toilet trained by summer.
Bring it on, Spring!
Time to do a good wax(been hiding mah hairy legs, arms and armpits - rofl..hey when you're a mum with no help, the last thing on your list is to get a good wax!) cuz we don't need those damned jumpers and singlets and socks and jackets and hats and scarves and gloves and boots to put on. And try putting all these on with a toddler who screams, bellows and shrieks NOOOO!!!! when i try to layer him on with clothes. So much easier in summer with him being topless with a nappy on..though, i'm hoping he'll be toilet trained by summer.
Bring it on, Spring!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
tantrums
we're having bad tantrums..T is driving me nuts that i'm about to pull all my hair out, including my whoo-ha hair.
It starts with a shrill Mick Jagger, NOOOOOOO!!!! to kung-fu Jackie Chan kicks to Ike Turner's slaps. It's just been really hard.
Do you have 29month old toddlers like that?
I'm trying to control him and tell him it's wrong. We've tried with talks, to naughty corners to bribing.
What works for your kids?
It starts with a shrill Mick Jagger, NOOOOOOO!!!! to kung-fu Jackie Chan kicks to Ike Turner's slaps. It's just been really hard.
Do you have 29month old toddlers like that?
I'm trying to control him and tell him it's wrong. We've tried with talks, to naughty corners to bribing.
What works for your kids?
Friday, July 29, 2011
And he sleeps
I yearned, dreamed and desired for babies for 3.5years. I've heard so much about how hard it is to raise a child, but I thought, I'm just ever-so-ready. I was tired of waiting and then it happened. But when it did and I had T, it was so hard in the beginning that I really felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride so fast that I couldn't stop spinning!
So, when T was born, I received a lot of assvice about how to put him to sleep, on his own by using controversial method - control crying. There are so many views out there and so many success stories with it and failures with it too.
T has always been a horrible sleeper. Breastfeeding was hard during the first three months when I had him and then suddenly, he latched on perfectly after the 4th month. He always needed to be fed to sleep. I had a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. I loved the close bond I have with him but yet, I wanted my life back or rather sleep back. He used my boobies when he was teething. It went on day and night. It was his comfort zone to his swollen gums. Teething started around 6months and the peak was when he was 15months. His molars started to cut through and sometimes even boobies didn't help and we had to drive him around at 3am (the witch hours) to get him to sleep. I was a walking zombie during that time and I really don't know how I made it through.
I remember we were having lunch with another couple who has a son around the same age as T and she said this to me, YOU HAVE TO USE CONTROL CRYING ON HIM! ELSE YOU WILL NEVER GET HIM TO SLEEP!!! And babes added, Yeah, I told her to do it but she doesn't want to. I was furious! Babes was voicing out his views about me not wanting to use control crying and I didn't like him expressing our own differences to anybody. It didn't help that my friend's husband also had to add that I will never get my boobs back if this went on. I left and sobbed hysterically in the car, thinking I had failed as a mum. It didn't help that babes wasn't on my side. I immediately called the Australian Breastfeeding Association because I didn't know whom I can talk to. Nobody I knew was exclusively breastfeeding their babies. All had either given up or supplementing with formula. I spoke to a counsellor and cried and poured my heart out what I felt about breastfeeding and why I couldn't use control crying. How, how can I allow an innocent baby to cry on his own, when all he knows is that he needs his mummy's love and gentle touch and stroke on his hair to put him to sleep? He doesn't know anything, he can't talk, he can't express his needs. All he knows is when he latches on, he feels secure and loved and I wanted to do that until he was ready to self wean. I was determined to do it the gentle way. Surely, there must be some other way? Also, I wanted to exclusively breastfeed too as my fertility specialist said that it would keep my endo at bay as that was the main reason why I couldn't conceive.
So, the counsellor suggested reading a no-cry sleep solution book by Elizabeth Pantley. And I did that. At that time, it didn't make sense because it still went on night after night. But I persisted for almost a year. Well, not really. I think I slacked off for about 6months or so but I did it off and on. However, I think cuz I am able to reason with him better and that he understands what I'm saying now, sleep has gotten a whole lot easier with T. He doesn't feed through the night anymore. And I have to kick myself by saying this but for the past week, after bf-ing for about 1minute and then I tell him that I'm drained, he detaches himself and turns around. He asks me to cuddle him and he goes to sleep by himself. BY HIMSELF!!!!!!! He didn't feed himself to sleep. As I write this, I'm just tearing up a bit cuz funny though, here I am hoping that he'll sleep on his own someday but when he does it, he takes me by surprise and I'm caught off guard.
I know that he's on the road to self weaning soon. I can feel it. And somehow I am sad a little bit. Ok, a whole lot as I am sobbing now cuz he is my firstborn. My sweet miracle who brought me out of my darkness and gave me a reason to smile and laugh again and oh yes, cry a lot too. I am certainly going to miss breastfeeding him now when the time comes. But I'm looking forward to new milestones..and with each milestone reached, he's just taking one step at a time to being an adult soon and I will no longer be as needed and..... that is just such a bittersweet feeling.
Here's a poem dedicated to T:
My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.
I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I'd say, "a little later, son".
I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.
For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
Someday he may no longer be at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books will be put away someday,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all will belong to yesteryear.
My hands once busy, may lie still someday,
The days will be long and hard to fill,
And then I will wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.
And so to our dearest son,
we will treasure each and every day with you
for we will love you forever,
we'll like you for always,
as long as we're living,
our baby you'll be.
So, when T was born, I received a lot of assvice about how to put him to sleep, on his own by using controversial method - control crying. There are so many views out there and so many success stories with it and failures with it too.
T has always been a horrible sleeper. Breastfeeding was hard during the first three months when I had him and then suddenly, he latched on perfectly after the 4th month. He always needed to be fed to sleep. I had a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. I loved the close bond I have with him but yet, I wanted my life back or rather sleep back. He used my boobies when he was teething. It went on day and night. It was his comfort zone to his swollen gums. Teething started around 6months and the peak was when he was 15months. His molars started to cut through and sometimes even boobies didn't help and we had to drive him around at 3am (the witch hours) to get him to sleep. I was a walking zombie during that time and I really don't know how I made it through.
I remember we were having lunch with another couple who has a son around the same age as T and she said this to me, YOU HAVE TO USE CONTROL CRYING ON HIM! ELSE YOU WILL NEVER GET HIM TO SLEEP!!! And babes added, Yeah, I told her to do it but she doesn't want to. I was furious! Babes was voicing out his views about me not wanting to use control crying and I didn't like him expressing our own differences to anybody. It didn't help that my friend's husband also had to add that I will never get my boobs back if this went on. I left and sobbed hysterically in the car, thinking I had failed as a mum. It didn't help that babes wasn't on my side. I immediately called the Australian Breastfeeding Association because I didn't know whom I can talk to. Nobody I knew was exclusively breastfeeding their babies. All had either given up or supplementing with formula. I spoke to a counsellor and cried and poured my heart out what I felt about breastfeeding and why I couldn't use control crying. How, how can I allow an innocent baby to cry on his own, when all he knows is that he needs his mummy's love and gentle touch and stroke on his hair to put him to sleep? He doesn't know anything, he can't talk, he can't express his needs. All he knows is when he latches on, he feels secure and loved and I wanted to do that until he was ready to self wean. I was determined to do it the gentle way. Surely, there must be some other way? Also, I wanted to exclusively breastfeed too as my fertility specialist said that it would keep my endo at bay as that was the main reason why I couldn't conceive.
So, the counsellor suggested reading a no-cry sleep solution book by Elizabeth Pantley. And I did that. At that time, it didn't make sense because it still went on night after night. But I persisted for almost a year. Well, not really. I think I slacked off for about 6months or so but I did it off and on. However, I think cuz I am able to reason with him better and that he understands what I'm saying now, sleep has gotten a whole lot easier with T. He doesn't feed through the night anymore. And I have to kick myself by saying this but for the past week, after bf-ing for about 1minute and then I tell him that I'm drained, he detaches himself and turns around. He asks me to cuddle him and he goes to sleep by himself. BY HIMSELF!!!!!!! He didn't feed himself to sleep. As I write this, I'm just tearing up a bit cuz funny though, here I am hoping that he'll sleep on his own someday but when he does it, he takes me by surprise and I'm caught off guard.
I know that he's on the road to self weaning soon. I can feel it. And somehow I am sad a little bit. Ok, a whole lot as I am sobbing now cuz he is my firstborn. My sweet miracle who brought me out of my darkness and gave me a reason to smile and laugh again and oh yes, cry a lot too. I am certainly going to miss breastfeeding him now when the time comes. But I'm looking forward to new milestones..and with each milestone reached, he's just taking one step at a time to being an adult soon and I will no longer be as needed and..... that is just such a bittersweet feeling.
Here's a poem dedicated to T:
My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.
I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I'd say, "a little later, son".
I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.
For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
Someday he may no longer be at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books will be put away someday,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all will belong to yesteryear.
My hands once busy, may lie still someday,
The days will be long and hard to fill,
And then I will wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.
And so to our dearest son,
we will treasure each and every day with you
for we will love you forever,
we'll like you for always,
as long as we're living,
our baby you'll be.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
it can get a bit lonely... sometimes.
T is now 27.5months old and soon, he'll be 3 years old. Wow, 3.
When we first found out that I was pregnant with T, I didn't know any friends here in Australia who has kids. Most of our friends were single. And I had to make new friends again. I'm not so much of a sociable butterfly. Since T was born, I tried a few playgroups and it was hard. I usually didn't know what to say and sometimes after having a conversation of less than a minute with awkward silences, I just grew tired of trying to socialise T and myself. Then I became depressed a bit cuz I'm here all alone with no family help and friends. And being a first time (read: paranoid somewhere in between) mum, the isolation was pretty daunting. What made matters worst was that i couldn't drive back then. And when you don't drive in Melbourne, you're pretty much a dead duck. With perpetual rainy weather for about 9 to 10months in 12, we stayed indoors. It got really bad.
Then I started to learn how to drive and got my licence. I didn't have much of a practise without babes or my driving instructor next to me, I had to bravely venture out with T in the car. I had to do it - for his own good and mine. We started to socialise a bit more but yet I found it hard to find mothers who are on the same wavelength as me.
Take for instance, the mothers at Shichida. I only speak to 2 mothers who are Indonesians. Lovely ladies. We don't usually compare our kids but gosh, there is this lady whom I shall call her Chucky cuz she really looks like CHUCKY! And what an annoying Chucky she is! Each time she opens her mouth, I scream in my head, SHUT UP, CHUCKY, SHUT UP! :) She makes annoying comments when I said, T doesn't sleep early. He sometimes sleeps at 10pm (I didn't dare say 11pm), if he doesn't go out to the park to run. Her comment was: Gosh, you are generous! I would never let Michael sleep that late. I felt like telling her, do you honestly think I would love for him to sleep so late when sometimes I really need some down time to myself? But he doesn't and wouldn't and it's such a battle to fight with him over sleep that I just relent. And when the Indonesia mothers and I were talking about being so tired with no family help here, she commented, OH, YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT! Erm, hello, Mrs Chucky, you have your mother and mother-in-law who come over to your house to babysit Michael on 2 days whilst you go out to shop to have your downtime whilst we will never have that chance, being expatriates here. Honestly, how does one do it? When it's during the weekends, I have to rush out to do the supermarket shopping, plan T's activities for the week, plan the menu for the following week, give the house a good clean, iron the clothes and there goes my weekend. Who will do this for us? Definitely no mums or mum-in-laws here for us. Sometimes, I just feel so tired that I can fall asleep from driving back home from my weekend supermarket shopping. Somebody suggested to do takeaways! Erm, well, housing here is REALLY EXPENSIVE, like half a million close to a million and we've just bought a house after scrimping and eating soya sauce with just plain porridge for 4 years before coming up with a deposit. Takeaways cost $10 to $15 per person, so you do the Math. (But erm, I wouldn't go back to Singapore either) Just to side track a bit, cuz she looks like chucky, unfortunately, so does her son. I know I'm being evil by saying this but her son is just as mean because he really bullies the other kids by snatching toys (which i f-ing hate!) and if he doesn't get his way, he hits the other kids!!!!!! he did that once to T and poor T just wailed non-stop! arghs!
So, what was I saying? When I was in Singapore for a short visit, I met up with a few friends who are now mums. Oh gosh, the comparisons can just go on and on and boy, the comments are just annoying. When I was just sharing my breastfeeding stories cuz everybody was, I stopped at saying that I'm still breastfeeding T when somebody said and gave me a weird look, HUH?! BREASTFEED SO LONG?! I stopped my breastfeeding story altogether. I did try control crying for 2 days when he was 21months. It was horrible. My heart couldn't take it. He vomitted on the bed with babes in his arms and he cried hysterically. And on the 2nd night, he flung himself out of babes arms and hit his head on the wall. I realised that control crying wasn't for us. T wasn't ready for it. I then tried talking to him and telling him that mummy's tired and can't breastfeed the whole night anymore but still he couldn't understand. So, I just left it as that. Today, he is 27.5months and I have just weaned him off his 1am, 5am and 7am feeds - with no control crying needed. He was just ready for it. I've been telling him that no boobies till the sun comes out and that when mummy says she is drained, he must not cry and that I will cuddle him back to bed with all my heart and love. Just yesterday, he asked for a feed at 5am, and I said in my dreamy state, mummy is drained and he turned away and whispered, mummy drained. no cry. I smiled and am smiling here. Ok, so i digressed and what am i trying to say in this entire post? I've completely lost the plot.
What I'm trying to say is that us, mums have to learn to respect each others decision - be it breastfeeding, formula feeding, co-sleeping, control crying, using gentle sleep solutions. What matters most is what works best for you and your family.
Because being a mum can be such a daunting task with OMG moments and the last thing we'd need to hear is somebody making"OH I DON'T DO THIS AND I DON'T DO THAT AND OH I WILL NEVER DO THIS AND I WILL NEVER DO THAT" comments...
Have you ever felt that way before?
When the day is just so lonely and after a comment like that, it affects your mood even more?
Hmmmmm.......
When we first found out that I was pregnant with T, I didn't know any friends here in Australia who has kids. Most of our friends were single. And I had to make new friends again. I'm not so much of a sociable butterfly. Since T was born, I tried a few playgroups and it was hard. I usually didn't know what to say and sometimes after having a conversation of less than a minute with awkward silences, I just grew tired of trying to socialise T and myself. Then I became depressed a bit cuz I'm here all alone with no family help and friends. And being a first time (read: paranoid somewhere in between) mum, the isolation was pretty daunting. What made matters worst was that i couldn't drive back then. And when you don't drive in Melbourne, you're pretty much a dead duck. With perpetual rainy weather for about 9 to 10months in 12, we stayed indoors. It got really bad.
Then I started to learn how to drive and got my licence. I didn't have much of a practise without babes or my driving instructor next to me, I had to bravely venture out with T in the car. I had to do it - for his own good and mine. We started to socialise a bit more but yet I found it hard to find mothers who are on the same wavelength as me.
Take for instance, the mothers at Shichida. I only speak to 2 mothers who are Indonesians. Lovely ladies. We don't usually compare our kids but gosh, there is this lady whom I shall call her Chucky cuz she really looks like CHUCKY! And what an annoying Chucky she is! Each time she opens her mouth, I scream in my head, SHUT UP, CHUCKY, SHUT UP! :) She makes annoying comments when I said, T doesn't sleep early. He sometimes sleeps at 10pm (I didn't dare say 11pm), if he doesn't go out to the park to run. Her comment was: Gosh, you are generous! I would never let Michael sleep that late. I felt like telling her, do you honestly think I would love for him to sleep so late when sometimes I really need some down time to myself? But he doesn't and wouldn't and it's such a battle to fight with him over sleep that I just relent. And when the Indonesia mothers and I were talking about being so tired with no family help here, she commented, OH, YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT! Erm, hello, Mrs Chucky, you have your mother and mother-in-law who come over to your house to babysit Michael on 2 days whilst you go out to shop to have your downtime whilst we will never have that chance, being expatriates here. Honestly, how does one do it? When it's during the weekends, I have to rush out to do the supermarket shopping, plan T's activities for the week, plan the menu for the following week, give the house a good clean, iron the clothes and there goes my weekend. Who will do this for us? Definitely no mums or mum-in-laws here for us. Sometimes, I just feel so tired that I can fall asleep from driving back home from my weekend supermarket shopping. Somebody suggested to do takeaways! Erm, well, housing here is REALLY EXPENSIVE, like half a million close to a million and we've just bought a house after scrimping and eating soya sauce with just plain porridge for 4 years before coming up with a deposit. Takeaways cost $10 to $15 per person, so you do the Math. (But erm, I wouldn't go back to Singapore either) Just to side track a bit, cuz she looks like chucky, unfortunately, so does her son. I know I'm being evil by saying this but her son is just as mean because he really bullies the other kids by snatching toys (which i f-ing hate!) and if he doesn't get his way, he hits the other kids!!!!!! he did that once to T and poor T just wailed non-stop! arghs!
So, what was I saying? When I was in Singapore for a short visit, I met up with a few friends who are now mums. Oh gosh, the comparisons can just go on and on and boy, the comments are just annoying. When I was just sharing my breastfeeding stories cuz everybody was, I stopped at saying that I'm still breastfeeding T when somebody said and gave me a weird look, HUH?! BREASTFEED SO LONG?! I stopped my breastfeeding story altogether. I did try control crying for 2 days when he was 21months. It was horrible. My heart couldn't take it. He vomitted on the bed with babes in his arms and he cried hysterically. And on the 2nd night, he flung himself out of babes arms and hit his head on the wall. I realised that control crying wasn't for us. T wasn't ready for it. I then tried talking to him and telling him that mummy's tired and can't breastfeed the whole night anymore but still he couldn't understand. So, I just left it as that. Today, he is 27.5months and I have just weaned him off his 1am, 5am and 7am feeds - with no control crying needed. He was just ready for it. I've been telling him that no boobies till the sun comes out and that when mummy says she is drained, he must not cry and that I will cuddle him back to bed with all my heart and love. Just yesterday, he asked for a feed at 5am, and I said in my dreamy state, mummy is drained and he turned away and whispered, mummy drained. no cry. I smiled and am smiling here. Ok, so i digressed and what am i trying to say in this entire post? I've completely lost the plot.
What I'm trying to say is that us, mums have to learn to respect each others decision - be it breastfeeding, formula feeding, co-sleeping, control crying, using gentle sleep solutions. What matters most is what works best for you and your family.
Because being a mum can be such a daunting task with OMG moments and the last thing we'd need to hear is somebody making"OH I DON'T DO THIS AND I DON'T DO THAT AND OH I WILL NEVER DO THIS AND I WILL NEVER DO THAT" comments...
Have you ever felt that way before?
When the day is just so lonely and after a comment like that, it affects your mood even more?
Hmmmmm.......
Friday, April 1, 2011
A new season, a new change.
It's autumn now for us. The weather has started to get colder, the sun rises a bit later and the days are shorter. We've had bizarre weather for the whole of summer. Lots of rain (boo!) and then suddenly, autumn's here. Aussie mums look forward to summer so badly cuz when the cold season hits us, poor kids are bored at home. When I first had T, I didn't dare go out at all when it was cold. I guess when I was in Singapore, I was so used to the heat and humidity. Whenever T would get a cold, we'd hibernate. But I guess now it's hard to keep staying at home cuz the cold season is really long - for at least 9months?! We can't hibernate that long!!!!! So regardless, if there is going to be rain or no matter how cold, I'll try to bring T out. He needs it. I NEED IT! :)
So, here's what we've planned for autumn/winter:
Morning morning - Sportzbuzz.
- It's a play session of different sports that we do weekly. HE LOVES IT! He gets to run around, play with different sport equipments and yes, did I mention running around?! He has too much testosterone!!!! He needs to release his energy!
Tues morning - playgroup
I'm going to try a new playgroup. It looks fun with an art area, outdoor area with slides and whats not, a reading corner with books and toys. Hopefully, the mothers and kids are nice. We'll see.
Wed morning - Suzuki music
Friends have told me how their kids love music at Suzuki. Ok, we'll see how we go.
Thurs morning - Shichida
He loves Shichida. I go there cuz he loves the teacher. She always manages to bring out the biggest grin on him!!! Too cute.
Fri morning - library
We go to the library for storytelling session and to borrow books. Both of us will sit there for at least an hour. Sometimes, I read to him and then he'll run off to get another book for me.
Phew! that sounds like a packed week!!!!! I know, it sounds like I'm a kiasu mum but more so, just to bring him out to do things. It's hard to do outdoor activities with the perpetual rain. This week, the weather's been kind to us. We even managed to go the park daily after his afternoon nap. Whenever it is sunny, we dash out cuz I know when winter comes, it'll be harder to go out to the park. And I have to say that the parks here in Melbourne are just so beautiful. He loves the park. We walk for at least an hour, sometimes two. We'd skip, hop, squat, walk, run and look at the flowers, sometimes touching them, spider webs, leaves. We'd sit down for a rest and we'd have a snack together and sing a song. I talk to him about the season change and how the leaves are all falling cuz it's autumn now. Just a week ago, we saw the leaves falling off and today, we saw 3 trees with no leaves at all. Ah, yes, winter will be here soon. *sobs*
With regards to homeschooling, we've started again a bit after my miscarriage. I usually do it in the afternoons after his nap. But lately cuz the weather has been kind to us, I've been bringing him out.
Here are 3 pictures of him taken recently. One during summer at the beach and one at the park in autumn. And oh, we started with counting and I tried this method, using his cars! it kindda worked i think! he put his cars from 1 to 5 by himself and ran off! :)
post-note: gah, don't know why they're not uploaded in sequence! anyway, it's 1am..so going to sleep..zzzz
So, here's what we've planned for autumn/winter:
Morning morning - Sportzbuzz.
- It's a play session of different sports that we do weekly. HE LOVES IT! He gets to run around, play with different sport equipments and yes, did I mention running around?! He has too much testosterone!!!! He needs to release his energy!
Tues morning - playgroup
I'm going to try a new playgroup. It looks fun with an art area, outdoor area with slides and whats not, a reading corner with books and toys. Hopefully, the mothers and kids are nice. We'll see.
Wed morning - Suzuki music
Friends have told me how their kids love music at Suzuki. Ok, we'll see how we go.
Thurs morning - Shichida
He loves Shichida. I go there cuz he loves the teacher. She always manages to bring out the biggest grin on him!!! Too cute.
Fri morning - library
We go to the library for storytelling session and to borrow books. Both of us will sit there for at least an hour. Sometimes, I read to him and then he'll run off to get another book for me.
Phew! that sounds like a packed week!!!!! I know, it sounds like I'm a kiasu mum but more so, just to bring him out to do things. It's hard to do outdoor activities with the perpetual rain. This week, the weather's been kind to us. We even managed to go the park daily after his afternoon nap. Whenever it is sunny, we dash out cuz I know when winter comes, it'll be harder to go out to the park. And I have to say that the parks here in Melbourne are just so beautiful. He loves the park. We walk for at least an hour, sometimes two. We'd skip, hop, squat, walk, run and look at the flowers, sometimes touching them, spider webs, leaves. We'd sit down for a rest and we'd have a snack together and sing a song. I talk to him about the season change and how the leaves are all falling cuz it's autumn now. Just a week ago, we saw the leaves falling off and today, we saw 3 trees with no leaves at all. Ah, yes, winter will be here soon. *sobs*
With regards to homeschooling, we've started again a bit after my miscarriage. I usually do it in the afternoons after his nap. But lately cuz the weather has been kind to us, I've been bringing him out.
Here are 3 pictures of him taken recently. One during summer at the beach and one at the park in autumn. And oh, we started with counting and I tried this method, using his cars! it kindda worked i think! he put his cars from 1 to 5 by himself and ran off! :)
post-note: gah, don't know why they're not uploaded in sequence! anyway, it's 1am..so going to sleep..zzzz
Friday, February 18, 2011
on a break
When I found out that I was pg last month, I was filled with excitement and trepidation. And then morning sickness took over and our home schooling stopped. I was very tired with the activites that we have every morning that I couldn't do anything in the afternoon. I have to bring T out to drain off his energy otherwise he will refuse to nap! And now that there is a possible miscarriage on the way, I have been fraught with worry and can't seem to focus on homeschooling just yet. I feel bad for T. I hope to snap out of it soon.
But one that I haven't stopped is reading to him since he loves reading so much now.
Yes, I hope by next week, with news of whether this will be a missed miscarriage or not, I can move on with life.
But one that I haven't stopped is reading to him since he loves reading so much now.
Yes, I hope by next week, with news of whether this will be a missed miscarriage or not, I can move on with life.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I just don't know where I belong.
It's 12.30am now.
T is sleeping and I am here with my thoughts.
Lately, I've been feeling lonely of some sort. I'm a Singaporean stay-at-home mum living in Melbourne. I love the life here, but feel a bit lonely with none of my friends from back home around with me. Then again, what friends? Most have drifted apart since we migrated about 5 years ago. Some, well, somehow, just faded away cuz I was going through my dark days with infertility. They couldn't deal with my rollercoaster emotions. I have made friends here. I meet them weekly for playdates. But somehow, sometimes, I'd like to speak a bit of Singlish or joke something that only Singaporeans will understand.
I am also an infertile mum. I think the way I teach, love, and mother my child is rooted from the experiences that I have gone through with my life. He is so precious in my life. It took us 3.5 years of sex, me opening my legs to strangers to have me tested, operated on to get the damned endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts, polyps removed, husband getting his sperm tested 3 times and the anguish and tears,, frustration to have him. He is my gift, my miracle from God. I know I'm not holy as much as my Catholic grandmother would have wanted me to, but I believe that he is here for a reason.
And somehow, it's hard for me to understand some fertile mums. Especially those who say that their kids are annoying, or when they say, I can't stand them!. Sure, granted, I've had my bad days with T. But he will never be annoying to me. He can be difficult, challenging. But when he runs to give me a hug, gives me his precious kisses, nose cuddles, my heart goes boom boom boom.
I am also currently (just started) homeschooling T. I've realised how challenging, rewarding, fun, exhausting it can be..and sometimes frustrating. I bring T out for his morning activities every day so that he gets to run around and most importantly, socialise with other kids. He comes home for a nap, wakes up to have lunch and we do a bit of Montessori stuff and we head to the park for a run, or a kick with the ball. It's summer now for us so it's easier to go out.
And somehow, it's hard for me to find someone here who shares a passion about homeschooling a child. The only way I find out what other mums are doing is through reading blogs.
Maybe i'm just broody today.
But yes, today, am feeling lonely.
Tomorrow, it will be better.
And Sunday, it will be even better.
We're headed off to the beach. :)
Sun + sand + hunky husband + adorable son + loads of laughter = a good day.
T is sleeping and I am here with my thoughts.
Lately, I've been feeling lonely of some sort. I'm a Singaporean stay-at-home mum living in Melbourne. I love the life here, but feel a bit lonely with none of my friends from back home around with me. Then again, what friends? Most have drifted apart since we migrated about 5 years ago. Some, well, somehow, just faded away cuz I was going through my dark days with infertility. They couldn't deal with my rollercoaster emotions. I have made friends here. I meet them weekly for playdates. But somehow, sometimes, I'd like to speak a bit of Singlish or joke something that only Singaporeans will understand.
I am also an infertile mum. I think the way I teach, love, and mother my child is rooted from the experiences that I have gone through with my life. He is so precious in my life. It took us 3.5 years of sex, me opening my legs to strangers to have me tested, operated on to get the damned endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts, polyps removed, husband getting his sperm tested 3 times and the anguish and tears,, frustration to have him. He is my gift, my miracle from God. I know I'm not holy as much as my Catholic grandmother would have wanted me to, but I believe that he is here for a reason.
And somehow, it's hard for me to understand some fertile mums. Especially those who say that their kids are annoying, or when they say, I can't stand them!. Sure, granted, I've had my bad days with T. But he will never be annoying to me. He can be difficult, challenging. But when he runs to give me a hug, gives me his precious kisses, nose cuddles, my heart goes boom boom boom.
I am also currently (just started) homeschooling T. I've realised how challenging, rewarding, fun, exhausting it can be..and sometimes frustrating. I bring T out for his morning activities every day so that he gets to run around and most importantly, socialise with other kids. He comes home for a nap, wakes up to have lunch and we do a bit of Montessori stuff and we head to the park for a run, or a kick with the ball. It's summer now for us so it's easier to go out.
And somehow, it's hard for me to find someone here who shares a passion about homeschooling a child. The only way I find out what other mums are doing is through reading blogs.
Maybe i'm just broody today.
But yes, today, am feeling lonely.
Tomorrow, it will be better.
And Sunday, it will be even better.
We're headed off to the beach. :)
Sun + sand + hunky husband + adorable son + loads of laughter = a good day.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
headache
i can't seem to do anything with T for the past 2 months. headache!
he has suddenly hated everything that I've been wanting to teach him. I've looked through everywhere on the internet and followed different ways to teach him things but all he keeps saying is, BYE BYE when I show him something to learn.
He just wants to run. run. run.
Is that normal for a 22month old toddler boy?
ps the only good note is that he now wants to read books with me again.
he has suddenly hated everything that I've been wanting to teach him. I've looked through everywhere on the internet and followed different ways to teach him things but all he keeps saying is, BYE BYE when I show him something to learn.
He just wants to run. run. run.
Is that normal for a 22month old toddler boy?
ps the only good note is that he now wants to read books with me again.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
T sits and feeds himself *gasp*!!!!!
Unlike my other friends' kids(yes, don't you hate it when we start comparing?!), T does not feed himself nor does he like to sit down to eat with us. He would scream murder to get down from the highchair or an adult's chair!!!! I had changed so many spoons, forks, etc, thinking it must be the cutlery, bowl!!!!! Why doesn't this child want to sit down and feed himself??!!!!
He just wanted to run.
And I had to run with him to feed him.
Many many many mothers have frowned on what I've been doing since he started solids. But what choice did I have? I'd rather know he'd eat something than to know he'd be starving the day with the level of energy he has.
On Sat, came a breakthrough.
At 22months, he sat down on his highchair with us during dinner, and fed himself the ENTIRE TIME.
All because of a Thomas the Tank spoon that babes had bought for him.
Or maybe because he just suddenly *woke up* and realised that he could feed himself.
Or maybe I realised that I have to just trust my son that he can do things in his own way, his own time. Thanks, Ms Chocolate, aka Homeschool mummy, for making me realise this. *wink wink*
He just wanted to run.
And I had to run with him to feed him.
Many many many mothers have frowned on what I've been doing since he started solids. But what choice did I have? I'd rather know he'd eat something than to know he'd be starving the day with the level of energy he has.
On Sat, came a breakthrough.
At 22months, he sat down on his highchair with us during dinner, and fed himself the ENTIRE TIME.
All because of a Thomas the Tank spoon that babes had bought for him.
Or maybe because he just suddenly *woke up* and realised that he could feed himself.
Or maybe I realised that I have to just trust my son that he can do things in his own way, his own time. Thanks, Ms Chocolate, aka Homeschool mummy, for making me realise this. *wink wink*
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