I love my son.

In my early 20s, I didn't think I'd ever be good with kids. I wasn't really thinking about them. It was all about me. I shopped for me, I ate for me, I shopped for me, I worked for me, and I shopped for me. :)

And then I got married and I wanted to have just one kid. That journey to have one was very trying. I always wondered why were these fertiles complaining about being perpetually tired when they were blessed with kids so easily. So, I yearned and dreamt of having just one baby. When I fell pregnant with T, I thought, since I was dreaming of motherhood for so long, I was all prepared for it.

But I was wrong.

Motherhood proved to be harder than I thought. No books, no friend, no relatives can give you the advice to survive it. You are pretty much on your own. Or maybe in our case, we were on our own. We had no help at all from day one when T was born. I didn't have a confinement nanny and I didn't have anybody to help me. I really struggled. I had slight PND and I cried for hours, not knowing what was wrong. I had lots of take-aways from burgers to frozen food to just toast. Friends in Singapore thought I was mad to have a baby in Melbourne. But hey, even if I were to go back, we didn't have help as our mothers passed away when we were young and our dads are pretty much useless.

Apart from no help, I didn't realise motherhood would consist of so many clubs - breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding babies, co-sleeping vs control crying, and gosh, the list goes on. Support within friends was hard. And anyway, to begin with, we hardly had friends here with kids when T was a baby till a year old.

But we survived and now we are now pregnant again.

We are truly blessed. Our hearts are filled with joy and love, and yes, apprehension too. We just can't wait for the baby to be born. I do not have any naps anymore since T has cut down on his naps to which I mourned of my loss of nap time and ME-time. I wake up when T does at 7.30am, and sleep at 8pm when he sleeps. I am really spent by 2pm. But lately, I am feeling a bit sad too cuz my time would have to be divided between T and the baby. T has always had my attention. When he wakes up, he would cuddle me for at least 10minutes before he fully wakes up and in his smelly (i love that breath!) breath, he'd say, NOSE KISS FOR MUMMY. It just melts my heart. Despite his tantrums, he is still such a sweet boy. Whenever he falls down, he would say, MUMMY KISS and I'd give him a kiss and I'd ask him, DO YOU FEEL BETTER?. To which, he'd reply, YES, MUMMY, BETTER. He is always wanting to be near me. We are perpetually joined at the hip. He asks for cuddles throughout the day. I love him so so much. I am eternally grateful that he has chosen us to be his parents.

People disapprove of our parenting methods. I call mine instinctive parenting. Or rather survival parenting. Whatever works of the day/month/year. And truth to be told, I don't give a flying f*!@#? to whatever people say these days. They can think whatever but nobody is perfect and my kid is not perfect and neither is yours.

And also they are only so little this short passage of time.

So, why don't we just embrace our child/children and love them and stop the whole sha bang bang about this political motherhood warfare. Afterall, motherhood is between your child and you.

Nobody else matters.

Post-note: And this is why we should treasure our kids now even more. Read this post here. I promise you, you'll need tissues.