and so it goes.....

Bub 2 is coming really soon. Soon, it will be autumn. I've started to notice a few changes - like the leaves around us have started to fall and the branches are started to become bare, the markets started selling crunchy pears and summer fruits don't taste as good - like grapes and cherries. The first daybreak is getting later. All signs of how fast time is changing.

We have just finished renovating our house...phew! what a nightmare!!! we just have the garden to landscape but that's ok since it's outside of the house. T's birthday party is in 2 weeks time so it's been nightmarish trying to do everything together. I hope to do up the baby's room by next week and then pack my hospital bag by this week too.

I am starting to get a bit panicky about bub 2. Will I cope? How will T cope? I don't know; I just have to try my best. I am starting to feel sad that I won't be able to give all my attention to T which is why I have decided to hire an additional help so that T doesn't feel left out and that I can have some time with him. It's not fair to him that mummy is not there for him like before - to him, life goes on and also I'm afraid that if I do get PND again, I don't want him to see a teary mummy or a mummy with flickering moods. He doesn't have to bear the brunt of my temper. I just hope that the additional help will be helpful too. So far, she sounded really nice on the phone and she came in highly recommended.

I have a few weeks before bub arrives and 8months before T goes to school. I am trying my best to give him all the cuddles and love and kisses and to make him as happy as I can. It was only yesterday when both babes and I first held T in our arms and cried hysterically, so in awe of our gift and our miracle. We couldn't believe that we are FINALLY parents to a beautiful, sweet child. Especially that first cuddle and that first cry and that first look in my eyes - i've captured them all in my heart.

And so, I'm going to print this poem to put it on my fridge to remind myself that T and bub 2 will grow up too quickly and that I only have such short time with them before they decide that holding, kissing and hugging mummy isn't all that cool anymore:


My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I'd say, "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy, now lie still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.

I know I've said this so many times and I'll still say it to my grave - I love you, T with all my heart and to my 2nd son, We can't wait to see you in a few weeks time.