I just don't know where I belong.

It's 12.30am now.

T is sleeping and I am here with my thoughts.

Lately, I've been feeling lonely of some sort. I'm a Singaporean stay-at-home mum living in Melbourne. I love the life here, but feel a bit lonely with none of my friends from back home around with me. Then again, what friends? Most have drifted apart since we migrated about 5 years ago. Some, well, somehow, just faded away cuz I was going through my dark days with infertility. They couldn't deal with my rollercoaster emotions. I have made friends here. I meet them weekly for playdates. But somehow, sometimes, I'd like to speak a bit of Singlish or joke something that only Singaporeans will understand.

I am also an infertile mum. I think the way I teach, love, and mother my child is rooted from the experiences that I have gone through with my life. He is so precious in my life. It took us 3.5 years of sex, me opening my legs to strangers to have me tested, operated on to get the damned endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts, polyps removed, husband getting his sperm tested 3 times and the anguish and tears,, frustration to have him. He is my gift, my miracle from God. I know I'm not holy as much as my Catholic grandmother would have wanted me to, but I believe that he is here for a reason.

And somehow, it's hard for me to understand some fertile mums. Especially those who say that their kids are annoying, or when they say, I can't stand them!. Sure, granted, I've had my bad days with T. But he will never be annoying to me. He can be difficult, challenging. But when he runs to give me a hug, gives me his precious kisses, nose cuddles, my heart goes boom boom boom.

I am also currently (just started) homeschooling T. I've realised how challenging, rewarding, fun, exhausting it can be..and sometimes frustrating. I bring T out for his morning activities every day so that he gets to run around and most importantly, socialise with other kids. He comes home for a nap, wakes up to have lunch and we do a bit of Montessori stuff and we head to the park for a run, or a kick with the ball. It's summer now for us so it's easier to go out.

And somehow, it's hard for me to find someone here who shares a passion about homeschooling a child. The only way I find out what other mums are doing is through reading blogs.

Maybe i'm just broody today.

But yes, today, am feeling lonely.

Tomorrow, it will be better.

And Sunday, it will be even better.

We're headed off to the beach. :)

Sun + sand + hunky husband + adorable son + loads of laughter = a good day.

headache

i can't seem to do anything with T for the past 2 months. headache!

he has suddenly hated everything that I've been wanting to teach him. I've looked through everywhere on the internet and followed different ways to teach him things but all he keeps saying is, BYE BYE when I show him something to learn.

He just wants to run. run. run.

Is that normal for a 22month old toddler boy?

ps the only good note is that he now wants to read books with me again.

T sits and feeds himself *gasp*!!!!!

Unlike my other friends' kids(yes, don't you hate it when we start comparing?!), T does not feed himself nor does he like to sit down to eat with us. He would scream murder to get down from the highchair or an adult's chair!!!! I had changed so many spoons, forks, etc, thinking it must be the cutlery, bowl!!!!! Why doesn't this child want to sit down and feed himself??!!!!

He just wanted to run.

And I had to run with him to feed him.

Many many many mothers have frowned on what I've been doing since he started solids. But what choice did I have? I'd rather know he'd eat something than to know he'd be starving the day with the level of energy he has.

On Sat, came a breakthrough.

At 22months, he sat down on his highchair with us during dinner, and fed himself the ENTIRE TIME.

All because of a Thomas the Tank spoon that babes had bought for him.

Or maybe because he just suddenly *woke up* and realised that he could feed himself.

Or maybe I realised that I have to just trust my son that he can do things in his own way, his own time. Thanks, Ms Chocolate, aka Homeschool mummy, for making me realise this. *wink wink*