so tired, that it's not funny

i'm so tired that it's not funny. i have a toddler who demands my attention ALL.THE.TIME and a baby at 11 weeks coming thursday WHO.DOESN'T.WANT.TO.NAP!

but other than that, i am here, surviving the day and night with a very messy house and

i am blessed.

last post

this will be my last post till goodness don't know when! 20 years from now till the kids are grown up!!! hahahahaha!!!!

it's been a really tiring time for me as we were busy doing so many things!!!!! from renovating the house, to planning a birthday party to preparing for the baby to doctors and endocrinologist appointments to T's daily activities! I AM TIRED.

Bub 2 will be here in 5 days time.

I can't wait.

Bye for now to this blog. Till I find the time to post again.

xoxo.

and so it goes.....

Bub 2 is coming really soon. Soon, it will be autumn. I've started to notice a few changes - like the leaves around us have started to fall and the branches are started to become bare, the markets started selling crunchy pears and summer fruits don't taste as good - like grapes and cherries. The first daybreak is getting later. All signs of how fast time is changing.

We have just finished renovating our house...phew! what a nightmare!!! we just have the garden to landscape but that's ok since it's outside of the house. T's birthday party is in 2 weeks time so it's been nightmarish trying to do everything together. I hope to do up the baby's room by next week and then pack my hospital bag by this week too.

I am starting to get a bit panicky about bub 2. Will I cope? How will T cope? I don't know; I just have to try my best. I am starting to feel sad that I won't be able to give all my attention to T which is why I have decided to hire an additional help so that T doesn't feel left out and that I can have some time with him. It's not fair to him that mummy is not there for him like before - to him, life goes on and also I'm afraid that if I do get PND again, I don't want him to see a teary mummy or a mummy with flickering moods. He doesn't have to bear the brunt of my temper. I just hope that the additional help will be helpful too. So far, she sounded really nice on the phone and she came in highly recommended.

I have a few weeks before bub arrives and 8months before T goes to school. I am trying my best to give him all the cuddles and love and kisses and to make him as happy as I can. It was only yesterday when both babes and I first held T in our arms and cried hysterically, so in awe of our gift and our miracle. We couldn't believe that we are FINALLY parents to a beautiful, sweet child. Especially that first cuddle and that first cry and that first look in my eyes - i've captured them all in my heart.

And so, I'm going to print this poem to put it on my fridge to remind myself that T and bub 2 will grow up too quickly and that I only have such short time with them before they decide that holding, kissing and hugging mummy isn't all that cool anymore:


My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes; I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me, please, to share your fun,
I'd say, "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy, now lie still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.

I know I've said this so many times and I'll still say it to my grave - I love you, T with all my heart and to my 2nd son, We can't wait to see you in a few weeks time.

8 weeks..

8 weeks before bub 2 arrives...

waiting and waiting.

just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. fuck.

but as long as bub arrives safe and sound, i'm happy.

8 weeks. breathe

8 weeks. breathe

8 weeks. breathe

i can't wait.

we love you. very. very. very. much. with all our hearts.

Summer crap

Ok, we were having beautiful sunshine for the past few weeks. I welcome the warm weather with open arms. After hibernating in the cold at home for more than 10months, I worship the sun.

And then we've been experiencing cold autumn-like chills and winds for the past week. Crap! Now that I am getting beautifully HUGE, I am unable to run around with T at home nor at the park. But I have to bring him out to burn off his energy. Or sometimes, just in the garden, for him to do a bit of "gardening". I dread it when autumn arrives. We are stuck at home so I have to think of things to do with him, which is why I usually sign him up with a soccer or sport activity that he can do indoors. He has swimming every Sunday. We've been taking him to swimming lessons since he was 6months old. Now, with swimming, I have been very insistent that he keeps doing it on a regular basis as most Aussie kids here either have a pool or they do a lot of water sports or they have swimming lessons in school. But I add on another sport - either soccer or an all-rounder sport programme that does tennis, AFL, cricket, basketball, golf, baseball, etc. Also, even if it's freezing cold, I'll bring him out for a while in the park (just as long as there is no rain), I'll rug him up and we run. I remember a Singaporean friend who came to visit us and she was just too shocked that I brought T to the park or to the market or to the shops in the cold. I told her, IF SINGAPORE HAD WINTER, ARE YOU GOING TO STAY HOME WITH YOUR BOYS FOR 10MONTHS?! Maybe if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't mind staying indoors and warming up myself next to the heater.

Boys go mad when they are stuck indoors.

I check the weather like a hawk and hopefully we'll get better weather next week.

Come on, Summer!

DO YOUR THANG!

cuddles and love

if you had read my previous posts, you would know that we have had many tantrum episodes. which kid doesn't? whilst i have received lots of advice on how to deal with them, i think (?) i have found one that works for us!!!!!

the first time T had a major meltdown, i think i went into a meltdown too. i cried and wondered, where did my angel baby go?!

so i had done everything from scolding to gently hitting his bum to time outs to trying to explain things to him. but i have found this is working for us..whenever he has a tantrum, i'd cuddle him tight and when i feel his body go less rigid and he calms down, i kiss him and ask him, WHAT'S WRONG? and i evaluate his feelings for him. Did you feel angry? Did you feel scared? Did you feel nervous? Did you feel excited?

We started talking about his feelings when he was about 2 years 3months when his tantrums started big time.

Low and behold, lately, he asks for cuddles and asks me, WHAT'S WRONG, MUMMY? and I tell him, Nothing's wrong. How do you feel? And he tells me his feelings!!!! I don't know if he understands the full concept of how he feels just yet but he definitely knows what excited means..cuz when he gets a new toy or sees ice-cream, he says, I FEEL EXCITED! :)

So, yes we have tantrums still but i think I like this gentle approach. And he seems much calmer and I am much calmer too.

It works best for us.

For now.

yay! :)

Bong Natal!

I was brought up by my grandparents and Christmas is a big thing for Eurasians. BIG.

Preparation for Christmas starts about 6months in advance. My grandmother would start buying things for the house like artificial flowers, Christmas napkins, Christmas table linen, new curtains, new bedsheets and pillowcases, new clothes for everybody and that includes our panties/bras for the ladies and underwear for the men living in the house and new towels. She starts posting Christmas cards/friends to all her close family and friends in Singapore and Malacca in early November. For those who lived in Malacca, she'd send small little presents. Her present hunting starts as early as 3months in advance. We would then receive Christmas cards from families and friends too and I'd get sooo excited when I see the postman and run to the mailbox to get a card! And I'd scream, Aunty Joan sent us a card or Look, grandma, a present!

She then starts making the Eurasian fruit cake a month earlier and sprinkles brandy each week. She doesn't make the Sugee cake but we buy it from Cona's. Cona used to be near Holy Family Church in Katong but I hear that they operate from home now. Then there is the traditional Bolu Cocoo aka Coconut Sponge cake. She also makes the archar which she bottles them up (i love love them!). Then there is the Christmas pie, the famous Curry Devil and Feng, Saybak, Curry Pineapple Prawns and if that's not enough food for you, we would buy Fish Head Curry from Muthu's!!!! Apart from food, I would put the Christmas tree up and I'd get sooo excited from doing so! They allowed me to do whatever I wanted with the tree and I would get really excited about the presents under it! :(

Well, my grandparents are no longer around and unfortunately, nobody really did learn how to cook as well as my grandmother. I thought about keeping up with some of the traditions I was brought up with. Every year, I'd send out Christmas cards to close family and friends and some new friends whom I think are nice people. However, I think most of my friends do not practise Christmas card exchange. I stopped sending to some friends as some didn't even thank me for sending them a card. When I'd ask them if they had received my card, they'd apologise and say yes, and that they had forgotten about it. I feel that while I am equally busy and that I had taken an effort to send you a card and I do not expect you to send me one, a thank you would be nice. Call me old fashioned but that was how I was brought up by my grandmother. So this year, I received cards from my family members and again like every year none from friends.I also set up the Christmas tree. T and I went Christmas tree ornament hunting. He chose the ornaments and he hung them up. I love a colourful tree and we chose so many different ones this year like a train ornament, a shoe ornament, a kangaroo ornament, a cupcake ornament..and everyday, we'd talk about about ornaments, just like what I used to do with my grandmother. I placed the presents under the tree with T, though he doesn't really understand the concept of gifts yet. :) Food wise, well, I have to say, that's hard to do. The food preparation will kill me. I don't think i can do the food preparation as early as a month earlier than Christmas and then to stay in the kitchen whole day for at least a week or so, just cutting up the ingredients and what's not. Plus, there's just three of yes with one very picky eater. So, we made a Christmas pie for Christmas dinner and a roast on boxing day. And then that's when the homesickness hit me with a bang! I really missed the Christmas spread back home. :(

But this Christmas, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. We are renovating our house a bit. Dealing with traders and landscapers have been a pain. :( I am pregnant again and will be on homestretch in 2 weeks time (I am sooo thankful for making it to the 3rd trimester!), I tell my number son 2 that I am so grateful to have him in my life because if I hadn't lost my baby earlier this year (though I am still saddened by the loss), I wouldn't have had him as we had only wanted 2 kids. I have been very busy for the past few months and needless to say, lack of sleep as T doesn't nap anymore. T sleeps around 9-ish and then I have to clean the house, prepare his homeschooling materials and prepare his food for the next day and by the time I'm done, it's almost 1am. Babes has been off from work since last Monday and I have taken this opportunity to clear the other room to make way for the cot and man, it took me almost 2 weeks to clear everything, well, almost. I am also preparing T's birthday party as his birthday will be very close to bub number 2's delivery date, erm, like 11 days later, so I'm hoping that he will be good and come after T's birthday. I am almost done with washing all bub number 2's clothes. Don't really trust Melbourne's weather. Last summer, we had rain. :( Babes has been waking up every morning at 5.30am to paint the house as it's almost impossible to do anything around with T awake. And most importantly, I am grateful for my husband and my son. They mean the world to me.

So, there you have it. Not sure what I was trying to say in this post but the gist of it, is that I am grateful and feel very blessed this Christmas.

Belated Bong Natal everyone! I hope everyone had a good one!

ps Bong Natal means Merry Christmas in the Kristang language, mainly spoken by Eurasians.