T is now 27.5months old and soon, he'll be 3 years old. Wow, 3.
When we first found out that I was pregnant with T, I didn't know any friends here in Australia who has kids. Most of our friends were single. And I had to make new friends again. I'm not so much of a sociable butterfly. Since T was born, I tried a few playgroups and it was hard. I usually didn't know what to say and sometimes after having a conversation of less than a minute with awkward silences, I just grew tired of trying to socialise T and myself. Then I became depressed a bit cuz I'm here all alone with no family help and friends. And being a first time (read: paranoid somewhere in between) mum, the isolation was pretty daunting. What made matters worst was that i couldn't drive back then. And when you don't drive in Melbourne, you're pretty much a dead duck. With perpetual rainy weather for about 9 to 10months in 12, we stayed indoors. It got really bad.
Then I started to learn how to drive and got my licence. I didn't have much of a practise without babes or my driving instructor next to me, I had to bravely venture out with T in the car. I had to do it - for his own good and mine. We started to socialise a bit more but yet I found it hard to find mothers who are on the same wavelength as me.
Take for instance, the mothers at Shichida. I only speak to 2 mothers who are Indonesians. Lovely ladies. We don't usually compare our kids but gosh, there is this lady whom I shall call her Chucky cuz she really looks like CHUCKY! And what an annoying Chucky she is! Each time she opens her mouth, I scream in my head, SHUT UP, CHUCKY, SHUT UP! :) She makes annoying comments when I said, T doesn't sleep early. He sometimes sleeps at 10pm (I didn't dare say 11pm), if he doesn't go out to the park to run. Her comment was: Gosh, you are generous! I would never let Michael sleep that late. I felt like telling her, do you honestly think I would love for him to sleep so late when sometimes I really need some down time to myself? But he doesn't and wouldn't and it's such a battle to fight with him over sleep that I just relent. And when the Indonesia mothers and I were talking about being so tired with no family help here, she commented, OH, YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT! Erm, hello, Mrs Chucky, you have your mother and mother-in-law who come over to your house to babysit Michael on 2 days whilst you go out to shop to have your downtime whilst we will never have that chance, being expatriates here. Honestly, how does one do it? When it's during the weekends, I have to rush out to do the supermarket shopping, plan T's activities for the week, plan the menu for the following week, give the house a good clean, iron the clothes and there goes my weekend. Who will do this for us? Definitely no mums or mum-in-laws here for us. Sometimes, I just feel so tired that I can fall asleep from driving back home from my weekend supermarket shopping. Somebody suggested to do takeaways! Erm, well, housing here is REALLY EXPENSIVE, like half a million close to a million and we've just bought a house after scrimping and eating soya sauce with just plain porridge for 4 years before coming up with a deposit. Takeaways cost $10 to $15 per person, so you do the Math. (But erm, I wouldn't go back to Singapore either) Just to side track a bit, cuz she looks like chucky, unfortunately, so does her son. I know I'm being evil by saying this but her son is just as mean because he really bullies the other kids by snatching toys (which i f-ing hate!) and if he doesn't get his way, he hits the other kids!!!!!! he did that once to T and poor T just wailed non-stop! arghs!
So, what was I saying? When I was in Singapore for a short visit, I met up with a few friends who are now mums. Oh gosh, the comparisons can just go on and on and boy, the comments are just annoying. When I was just sharing my breastfeeding stories cuz everybody was, I stopped at saying that I'm still breastfeeding T when somebody said and gave me a weird look, HUH?! BREASTFEED SO LONG?! I stopped my breastfeeding story altogether. I did try control crying for 2 days when he was 21months. It was horrible. My heart couldn't take it. He vomitted on the bed with babes in his arms and he cried hysterically. And on the 2nd night, he flung himself out of babes arms and hit his head on the wall. I realised that control crying wasn't for us. T wasn't ready for it. I then tried talking to him and telling him that mummy's tired and can't breastfeed the whole night anymore but still he couldn't understand. So, I just left it as that. Today, he is 27.5months and I have just weaned him off his 1am, 5am and 7am feeds - with no control crying needed. He was just ready for it. I've been telling him that no boobies till the sun comes out and that when mummy says she is drained, he must not cry and that I will cuddle him back to bed with all my heart and love. Just yesterday, he asked for a feed at 5am, and I said in my dreamy state, mummy is drained and he turned away and whispered, mummy drained. no cry. I smiled and am smiling here. Ok, so i digressed and what am i trying to say in this entire post? I've completely lost the plot.
What I'm trying to say is that us, mums have to learn to respect each others decision - be it breastfeeding, formula feeding, co-sleeping, control crying, using gentle sleep solutions. What matters most is what works best for you and your family.
Because being a mum can be such a daunting task with OMG moments and the last thing we'd need to hear is somebody making"OH I DON'T DO THIS AND I DON'T DO THAT AND OH I WILL NEVER DO THIS AND I WILL NEVER DO THAT" comments...
Have you ever felt that way before?
When the day is just so lonely and after a comment like that, it affects your mood even more?
Hmmmmm.......
